No, not the kind you do on your keyboard.
I'm talking about the way we "type" people. You know how friends/family say "she/he doesn't seem like your type?" That's what I'm talking about here.
Its a great thing to go out of your comfort zone type-wise, first off because any new experience, even if it ends badly, is a good thing. You haven't lived until you've tried it all. =)Secondly because often, that's where you find the best fit relationship-wise.
However, constantly alerting your girlfriend to the ways in which she doesn't fit you're "type" profile is something that should be avoided at all costs.
You think "Wow I'm normally a major boob guy but hers are tiny and I don't mind, it must be love" she hears; "This is one more reason I will be leaving you for some other girl at some point in the future".
Females - even those that seem completely confident (actually, especially with those that seem the most confident) are notoriously insecure. A female motto we almost all employ internally is; "Fake it til you make it". Many of us are VERY GOOD at presenting a confident persona when in reality we are anything but. Pointing out ways in which we do not fit into your usual type or your "perfect female for me" mold chips away at any confidence we have in the relationship and leaves us insecure and waiting for the other shoe to drop.
In extremely insecure females this can really bring out the crazy leading to them checking your phone/emails/texts for other females numbers, super-spy stalking you when you cancel a date, clingy-ness, whining and a plethora of other unattractive and annoying habits. In less insecure females it still chips away at their self esteem and the foundation of your relationship, sometimes leading to them breaking up with you only because they are positive you are going to be breaking up with them sooner or later anyway. So either way, not good for your relationship.
This doesn't mean you have to hide the fact shes not your normal type from her, it just means not to point it out a lot and to avoid some of the more easily misunderstood comments.
Below is a small list of some of the examples of "no no" comments men have made to their girlfriends:
*Ugh, super models body types are disgusting. They look like a bunch of skeletons, I don't understand how anyone can find that attractive. (5 minutes later) you're thin enough to be a super-model.
* I'm normally a major boob guy but I'm still with you. That's just one more way it's proof I love you.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
The sex files
OK. Common misconception about sex;
"when a girl is upset/emotional having sex with her is 'taking advantage' and will screw her up emotionally/mentally"
NOT TRUE. At least, not always. Is it possible to take advantage of a females emotional state and get her to have sex with you when she otherwise may have said no? Yes, and DO NOT use this blog as your excuse to do so. Does this mean that any time your female is having an emotional day you should turn down sex? NO, NO, NO!
You know what REALLY screws a female up and messes with her emotions? Having a male reject her sexually. That leaves scars that stay with us for life. If your female is making sexual suggestions/advances it means that the emotional trauma is over and she wants sex. Turning her down at this point is actually doing more harm. This is another instance in which you would want to hang up the shiny silver armor and stable that White Horse.
Yes, years later when we aren't all emotionally butt-hurt over the rejection and are thinking objectively we will say "Awww he was just being noble and looking out for my feelings" however that sweetness does not outweigh the fact that it came at the price of Sexual Rejection.
When it comes to sexual rejection girls are all emotion. We can not think rationally or logically. We can pretend we do, we can even occasionally convince the male gender we do. But while on the outside we are the calm rational "oh no I totally understand you're not rejecting me, you were just trying to protect my feelings" on the inside we are thinking "he thinks I'm ugly - I've gotten fat, I knew he was lying when he said he didn't notice that extra 5 pounds - He's found someone else he thinks is prettier/better in bed than me- I knew i sucked in bed, why am I so bad at sex?"- and many, many more.
Sexual Rejection is one of the biggest mental/emotional mind fucks out there for the female gender. While you should not be making sexual advances or comments while shes crying on your shoulder or just finished crying on your shoulder. If she makes the move it is perfectly alright for you to take her up on the offer. Trust me. The harm done by saying no to her sexual advances, is more harm than can possibly come from any regret she may feel the next morning.
SO STOP BEING NOBLE BECAUSE YOU'RE SCREWING US UP!!!
"when a girl is upset/emotional having sex with her is 'taking advantage' and will screw her up emotionally/mentally"
NOT TRUE. At least, not always. Is it possible to take advantage of a females emotional state and get her to have sex with you when she otherwise may have said no? Yes, and DO NOT use this blog as your excuse to do so. Does this mean that any time your female is having an emotional day you should turn down sex? NO, NO, NO!
You know what REALLY screws a female up and messes with her emotions? Having a male reject her sexually. That leaves scars that stay with us for life. If your female is making sexual suggestions/advances it means that the emotional trauma is over and she wants sex. Turning her down at this point is actually doing more harm. This is another instance in which you would want to hang up the shiny silver armor and stable that White Horse.
Yes, years later when we aren't all emotionally butt-hurt over the rejection and are thinking objectively we will say "Awww he was just being noble and looking out for my feelings" however that sweetness does not outweigh the fact that it came at the price of Sexual Rejection.
When it comes to sexual rejection girls are all emotion. We can not think rationally or logically. We can pretend we do, we can even occasionally convince the male gender we do. But while on the outside we are the calm rational "oh no I totally understand you're not rejecting me, you were just trying to protect my feelings" on the inside we are thinking "he thinks I'm ugly - I've gotten fat, I knew he was lying when he said he didn't notice that extra 5 pounds - He's found someone else he thinks is prettier/better in bed than me- I knew i sucked in bed, why am I so bad at sex?"- and many, many more.
Sexual Rejection is one of the biggest mental/emotional mind fucks out there for the female gender. While you should not be making sexual advances or comments while shes crying on your shoulder or just finished crying on your shoulder. If she makes the move it is perfectly alright for you to take her up on the offer. Trust me. The harm done by saying no to her sexual advances, is more harm than can possibly come from any regret she may feel the next morning.
SO STOP BEING NOBLE BECAUSE YOU'RE SCREWING US UP!!!
Monday, June 21, 2010
The "white knight" complex
Ok. Time to set the record straight.
Males- this is not the 18th century any more. You do not wear armor, you do not slay dragons and a female is perfectly capable of punching a jerk in the nose to defend her own honor if a guy implies she's a slut or any other derogatory name/phrase.
Yes, some girls get off on the "damsel in distress" routine. They are not the majority and honestly, they're beyond obnoxious so do yourself a favor; don't put up with the crap and ditch the B**** before the drama gets out of control.
Level-headed females are not looking for a white knight. We don't need or want you to come rushing in at the last minute brandishing your sword and slaying our dragons (problems). We are not helpless and would like the male gender to recognize this. We want a partnership. 50/50. Once again there are girls out there who are users, don't want a partnership whatever - those girls are a waste of your time. Dump them. This blog does not cater to the needy/whiny/clingy/using/selfish/piece-of-crap-annoying-girlfriends... This blog is in regards to normal girls.
Level-headed females are not looking for a white knight. We don't need or want you to come rushing in at the last minute brandishing your sword and slaying our dragons (problems). We are not helpless and would like the male gender to recognize this. We want a partnership. 50/50. Once again there are girls out there who are users, don't want a partnership whatever - those girls are a waste of your time. Dump them. This blog does not cater to the needy/whiny/clingy/using/selfish/piece-of-crap-annoying-girlfriends... This blog is in regards to normal girls.
Normal girls want to be recognized as capable, independent and a 50% equal part of the relationship. While we do not mind having your help with problems, there is a big difference between offering ideas/advice and completely taking over or telling us what to do. A large portion of the male gender seems to have trouble distinguishing between the two.
So things to remember:
Sometimes when a girl is venting, its just that- venting. We're not asking for a solution it just helps us to get our anger and frustration off our chest sometimes. So before leaping in to save the day wait for a break in the rant and ask "do you want my help solving this or are you just venting?" and then you know whether or not its "white knight" time or whether you can just tune her out for the next half-hour. ;)
Even when we have a legitimate problem please do not push us aside and take over the problem. Asking you for help is NOT asking for you to take over. Pushing us aside and ignoring our input on OUR problem is an insult and sends the message you believe we are too stupid or incapable to handle the situation ourselves.
The key words to remember are: compromise and partnership.
Lots of Love,
*Shell
P.S.
mellowpuppy said... and a reminder - when a girl is venting we dont need snippy comments back or you to tell us how to fix problems (unless we specifically ask you) And regardless if you seem like you arent paying attention at all, and then a girl stops coming to you with her problems - While for you its a good deal - most likely your female is pissed the phuck off at you!
Sometimes when a girl is venting, its just that- venting. We're not asking for a solution it just helps us to get our anger and frustration off our chest sometimes. So before leaping in to save the day wait for a break in the rant and ask "do you want my help solving this or are you just venting?" and then you know whether or not its "white knight" time or whether you can just tune her out for the next half-hour. ;)
Even when we have a legitimate problem please do not push us aside and take over the problem. Asking you for help is NOT asking for you to take over. Pushing us aside and ignoring our input on OUR problem is an insult and sends the message you believe we are too stupid or incapable to handle the situation ourselves.
The key words to remember are: compromise and partnership.
Lots of Love,
*Shell
P.S.
mellowpuppy said... and a reminder - when a girl is venting we dont need snippy comments back or you to tell us how to fix problems (unless we specifically ask you) And regardless if you seem like you arent paying attention at all, and then a girl stops coming to you with her problems - While for you its a good deal - most likely your female is pissed the phuck off at you!
About This Blog
The reason for "the simple female" is simple, really. Boys confound girls, girls confound boys. I'm hoping this blog, an insight into the mind of a female and a "list" of some of the ways boys can go wrong, will help males a little in their interaction with the opposite sex.
Reason 2: maybe girls reading this will be a little less stupid about some things in the future. This too, will help out the male gender.
So boys: you're welcome. ;)
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