Don't Cross The Invisible Line

We all have one and it's different for each individual but if you've been with someone for awhile you generally know them well enough to at least have an idea of where their invisible line rests. For some people it's as simple as not being a lover of their favorite animal for others its personal space. I fall into the latter category, Im willing to put up with a lot when I love someone but checking my mail, reading my texts, going through my phone or TELLING YOUR OR MY FAMILY MY PERSONAL SHIT that is, quite frankly, none of their damn business does nothing but PISS ME OFF. Am I over-reacting here? I don't think so. My family knows none of the skeletons in my S.O's closet, why? because it is not their skeletons nor any of their business- so why, pray tell, does his family know MY skeletons? Can someone please fucking enlighten me on this? I'm seriously at the point where Im about ready to say fuck my rule about respecting others privacy and having others mind their own business and instead start sharing personal and private secrets that could negatively effect the opinions anyone who hears these secrets used to hold regarding the person whose secrets I would be sharing- fuck turn the other cheek I'm about ready to grab my sword and play "eye for an eye". The limit has been reached. Here's to everyone who's reading this' limits and the hopes that your limits are not surpassed by the people you choose to love.

I almost asked you to marry me today...

So there I am cleaning the house, listening to music and the song "Quitter" by Carrie Underwood comes on. I find myself actually listening to the words instead of just humming along obliviously like usual and I realize that this song epitomizes me, my past relationships and our present relationship. I'm poised to run, almost all the time and you just patiently pull me down from that edge and keep me here where I belong, where I feel comfortable, where I'm loved and happy. In a moment of what can only be termed as temporary insanity, I hopped on youtube to find the song, in my head is typing out the comment I'm going to leave with it when I post it to your facebook wall; something along the lines of "I'm so glad I'm no longer a quitter, Lee David Toland will you marry me?".Sometime between hopping onto the computer and typing the song title into google, cooler heads prevailed. I realized how humiliating it would be to have to explain to the entire "public" that had witnessed the display that you had turned me down, or even worse patted me on the head with a condescending look and tone the way you did when I told you about my conversation with Kylene and how I had thought of proposing to you that day. "That's really cute but..." is not what a girl wants to hear when she lays her heart on the line. So for now I remain content to be forever your live-in girlfriend, but I'll be staying away from Carrie Underwood songs for a while...I won't lie and say that things like this don't cause all sorts of doubts to run through my head but I'm trying to work through it. I think we are both worth the work, and so is our love. I know you have to do way more work because I'm a hell of a lot more frustrating to you than you are to me, of course part of that is just because I don't allow myself to become as easily frustrated as you do. I do appreciate all the efforts you make just in putting up with me and I'm sure our daughter does as well. I love you but I won't be proposing to you any time soon.

Tired of Being Broke...

If I had a nickel for every time I heard a someone utter the above statement I would give Bill Gates "worlds wealthiest person" competition. Currently Bill Gates has no worries in that department and I really have no opinion on whether that is a "fortunate" or "unfortunate" thing because I am honestly not of the mindset that wealth solves problems, unlike the "I'm so tired of being broke" "If only I won the lottery" people are. There are hardships that come with living hand-to-mouth or paycheck to paycheck and I would be the last to deny them as I've been living hand-to-mouth pretty much my entire life. But living is honestly all about perception, mindset and attitude. I have had a good fulfilling and happy life, I seriously have, despite living below the poverty level without government handouts for 90% of the past 15+ years. I have been able to have quality time with my family, they know I love them and vice-versa, I have been able to give my children toys, clothes, food and fabulous birthday parties every year, they get to go fun places like the park, zoo, disneyland etc. All it takes is budgeting, lots of planning and the patience to wait 1-2 years for the bigger more expensive activities while i scrimp and save little bits of each paycheck to afford those things. I'm willing to wait and willing to scrimp and save because I want them to have these experiences and I know there is no other way for me to offer them that. Complaining and saying "if only" or even worse; taking a piss-poor attitude around with me everywhere I go and letting that effect my relationships and life is pointless, selfish and self-destructive. I would love to have more money and I'm actually working my butt off to try and make that happen because that is the only way it WILL happen: by me working my butt off and going out, putting myself out on a limb and TRYING. There is no "get rich quick" scheme or "instant millionaire" packet out there I can use or do to get rich overnight. EFFORT is the only way to do it. I have come up with some products I think may sell so now I am doing what I can to slowly buy the ingredients and make the products, once I have some stock I will make a website and a business page and begin promoting and selling my products. I'm also finishing the 15+ books I have in different progress stages. Once those are finished I will be selling them in online form through kindle on amazon. And I'm continuing in my housekeeping until I have enough money through my other efforts to quit. I may never rival Bill Gates in the bank account department but in the fulfilled-life, happiness, family and satisfaction departments I'm pretty sure I can give him a run for his money. :)

Tissy Fits Are For 12 Year Old Girls

Stop getting all bent out of shape at the term, yes even males can have tissy fits and a tissy fit by any other name is still a tissy fit so call it whatever you want, brooding, stewing, etc etc but knock it off.

Let me clarify what I mean by "tissy fit". Your significant other ticks you off, instead of growing some balls (or putting on your big girl panties, for the females reading this) manning up and telling your significant other what's bothering you and why so the two of you can fix it you go into pissed off stony silence mode. Pissed off stony silence mode comes complete with combative body stance, clenched jaws, dirty looks, stomping of feet, slamming of cabinets and doors, pointedly ignoring your significant other and just general douchebaggeryness. This is a male tissy fit and is NOT ok. Especially when this behavior is coming from one of those types of males that insist the girl sit down and talk it out, explain her feelings etc. Wanting your significant other to talk it out but allowing yourself to wallow in your tantrum and not talk it out is called hypocrisy- double standards are NOT ok!

So next time you're all bent out of shape and feel like slamming a door, cupboard, etc or even better get that urge to start throwing and kicking things do me a favor: take a deep breath, pull up the big boy boxers and talk it out like an ADULT. K? Thanks.

Money Wars...

Don't go getting defensive and patting your back pocket to make sure your wallet's in there. This post has nothing to do with guy's needing to earn a certain amount, pay for everything, spend atrocious amounts on holidays, anniversary's or engagement rings, etc etc. All that is as annoying to me as it is to you most likely and will be addressed later in a blog entitled "Money-grubbing sluts"...

This particular blog, however, is regarding the incapabilities of a large majority of the male gender to budget and save. I honestly cannot name the number of males I know or have had dealings with in the past who whine, whine, whine about bills not getting paid, needs not getting met and the lack of money they have only to do research and then find out that the important bills like phone, electric, car insurance could have been paid if he hadn't just spent $150+ on that new "must-have" collectors edition video game and insiders guide, or $150+ on that new ipod that holds a whole 50 more songs than his old one which is still in perfect working condition. Etc.

It's called PRIORITIZING people. And as much as the game and insiders guide may be more fun than paying your car insurance the car insurance is what keeps you from getting a ticketed fine, an impounded car fine, and a black mark on your driving record. While the new Ipod may be more fun to listen to and save you 15 minutes of time going through and deleting some old songs to make room for new, the PG&E bill is what provides heat in your house to keep your children from freezing to death or catching illnesses, it's also what allows you to cook food so none of your family starves. FUN is not the priority, being up to date with the "cool kids" on the latest fashion and game fun is NOT the priority, having the newest, coolest, or most expensive is NOT the priority.

Keeping yourself and your family fed, clothed, warm and safe is the priority, minimizing expenses by preventing things like $100+ tickets by keeping your car in good repair and fully insured and registered is the priority. Fun, new, cool, expensive, come later AFTER all the bills have been paid, animals have been cared for and food has been bought. THEN you can spend or save what's left on games, clothes, movies and fun.

Write a budget and STICK TO IT. Every time you think about fudging on it and splurging bill or food money on something you DON'T NEED, take a look at your children and then ask yourself if whatever you want is really worth STEALING from your kids. Because in essence, that's what you're doing every time you spend NEEDS money on WANTS: STEALING FROM YOUR KIDS.

The Taboo Truth...

So in my vast (ha ha) experience with the male gender I have noticed that 99% of males are OBSESSED with anal sex whether they admit to it or not. Not all of you are the pushy "must have it" bug your girlfriend relentlessly until she gives in type of guys (thank God) but you all think about it, wonder about it and wish she would do it. Many of you read books and magazine articles and watch DVD's on how to convince her to give in and ALL of you are 100% positive that if she would just give in and finally agree to try it she would love it once you were done. I see you nodding your head like "yep, that's right girls would all love anal sex if only they'd try it". So now I get to have my fun for the day and burst your bubble, I'd say that I hate to do that but I'd be lying and I try not to lie unless we're talking about my feelings so....

First we'll go with the FACTS:
*Men have a prostate gland that is easily stimulated through the anus, this causes pleasure to the male from anal stimulation. WOMEN DO NOT HAVE THIS!
*A woman's sexual nerve endings are located on clitoris, nipples and vagina.
*The vagina was MADE to have sex and to expel babies - those are the sole purposes of the vagina, it is very stretchy to allow for all types of shapes and sizes of penis to enter comfortably.
*The anus was made to expel your body's waste products in the form of shit. That is the sole purpose of the anus.

Now we will go with opinions and experience.
Do some girls like anal sex? Yes, though IME many of the ones that say that they like it are not being 100% truthful and are saying so instead to keep up with the crowd or please their current partner. There are some women however who do have good experiences with anal sex and enjoy it very much. That does NOT mean that all women will enjoy anal sex regardless of how often or how well it is performed. I can not name the number of times I have heard or read the statement (always said and/or written by men) "If your girl doesn't like it (anal sex) then you're not doing it right" this phrase is absolute BullShit and the catalyst for this blog post. =)

First off please explain to me how as man you have any clue as to what anal sex feels like for women. I cant name the number of articles written by men I've come across that try to explain why women hate and/or love anal sex, just FYI 90% of every one of those articles I've read has always been WRONG. You are guessing and ASSuming that you know what you're talking about or some of you are thinking "it feels good to me so..." forgetting that you have a prostate which produces those good feelings and your female doesn't.

So why do some females like it? Here's a secret and yes, I can have my membership to our secret female club revoked for revealing all this: Every woman I have talked to or that I know personally who likes anal sex has had one of three reasons (or a combination of the three) for liking it. The reasons are as follows:
1) Anal sex is dirty/naughty/taboo and she gets off on that feeling of doing something dirty/naughty/taboo.
2) It's something new and different than regular sex and she likes breaking up the monotony with something different every once in a while (Please note that these girls generally have anal sex at most every few months to as little as only 1-2 times per year)
3)She likes the feeling of fullness that comes from anal sex.

So now that you've read the three reasons go re-read them. Notice anything? Not ONE reason listed "because it gets my sexual nerve endings humming, turns me on majorly, feels so good and gives me the best orgasm of my life."

Anal sex for the VAST majority of females does not feel good by itself. Can occasional butt play during sex sometimes increase an orgasm? Yes. Should that be taken as a cue that your girlfriend is anal erotic and that means anal sex will get her rocks off better than anything ever? NO. Let me explain why.

The sensation in your vagina changes when there is something in your anus and the larger the thing in your anus is the more the vagina sensation changes, for some women the changes will be good changes for others not so much. There is also the added bonus (for some women) of feeling naughty at having more than one orifice penetrated which can also add to the orgasmic pleasure. When you ONLY have something in your anus you do not have either of the above stimulants occurring which makes for more painful and less pleasurable anal play. Why is it more painful? In reality it's not, but it will feel more painful because she will be focusing on the pain as there is no other pleasure going on for her to focus on, when a woman can focus on pleasure it makes the pain she's feeling seem less than it is, without that the pain will be felt full-force. For some women clitoral play without vaginal stimulation is enough to get her mind off things and allow her to enjoy anal sex. For others that will not be the case.

Anal sex is painful. It is painful because your anus 1) does not have the same sexual nerve endings the vagina does to compensate for the pain and 2) your ass is not meant to stretch and shape itself around a penis the way your vagina was built to do. The larger the cock - the more painful it is going to be, the less lube you use - the more painful its going to be, the less stimulation of body parts that are actually created for sexual pleasure - the more painful it's going to be. Got the picture?

So the moral of this blog post is basically this: If you have a girl that loves anal sex feel very very lucky and treat her like a queen because you've got it better than you realized. If you're girlfriend doesn't like it but is willing to do it for you on occasion then stop whining about the times you don't get it and be thankful for the sacrifice when you do get it. If you aren't getting it at all then either come to grips with reality and give up your anal sex dreams or go find a girl that doesn't mind it because pressuring the one your with to do something painful is just wrong. Ca. And the biggest moral of all: Stop believing that if you just do it "right" one of these days your girlfriend will turn from an anal-sex hater into a cock hungry anal sex loving whore - it's not gonna happen.

"I'm not being critical but..."

This goes for everyone of every gender, the words in this title are CRAP! Every single person in the world (especially if they happen to be female) knows that ANY SENTENCE precluded by any form of "I don't mean to be critical" is GOING TO BE critical without a doubt. You would not feel the need to try and put a "don't take this critically" disclaimer on a statement if the statement were truly a noncritical one. That's just common sense right there. Any time you feel the need to put a disclaimer on a sentence it is in hopes that the disclaimer will keep the person from being upset by the load of critical/rude/offensive crap that's about to spew from your mouth.
So do yourself and the people you are talking to a favor, the next time you hear a disclaimer coming out of your mouth IE; "No offense but...", "I'm not being critical but...", "I don't mean to be rude..." etc... Just SHUT YOUR MOUTH. There is no need to point out how the person offended you, didn't agree with the more correct opinion (which would be yours of course), screwed up yet again or should maybe cut down on the doughnuts cuz she's getting a little round, etc...
And if you really do feel that this time you just HAVE to say it - it's just too important not to be pointed out this one time then try doing this; take a minute to listen in your head to what you are about to say and then, instead of being critical say it in an entirely new way - one that actually does come off as not being critical, rude or offensive. For example, instead of saying: "I don't mean to be critical but do these socks look like they go together?" Try being a little more understanding, putting yourself in the other person's shoes and figuring out why the mistake may have happened. Then say something like this: *playful tone* "The baby must have had you really distracted the last time you folded socks huh?" *holding up mismatched socks and smiling*
The tone and body language in the example above, combined with the fact that you took the time to figure out what may have caused the mishap make the person whose actions are being singled out feel less like they are being criticized or attacked for an honest mistake. Which makes them more likely to respond with an apology and try to remember to pay more attention in the future as opposed to them responding with defensive comments and only remembering that you were a critical ass. In this case you were able to still point out that the person screwed up which fulfills your inner need to make sure they don't do so again in the future but in a way that also didn't make them feel like you go around looking for ways they screw up just so you can rub the mishaps in their face. It's a win-win for everyone. ;)

The sex files

OK. Common misconception about sex;
"when a girl is upset/emotional having sex with her is 'taking advantage' and will screw her up emotionally/mentally"
NOT TRUE. At least, not always. Is it possible to take advantage of a females emotional state and get her to have sex with you when she otherwise may have said no? Yes, and DO NOT use this blog as your excuse to do so. Does this mean that any time your female is having an emotional day you should turn down sex? NO, NO, NO!
You know what REALLY screws a female up and messes with her emotions? Having a male reject her sexually. That leaves scars that stay with us for life. If your female is making sexual suggestions/advances it means that the emotional trauma is over and she wants sex. Turning her down at this point is actually doing more harm. This is another instance in which you would want to hang up the shiny silver armor and stable that White Horse.
Yes, years later when we aren't all emotionally butt-hurt over the rejection and are thinking objectively we will say "Awww he was just being noble and looking out for my feelings" however that sweetness does not outweigh the fact that it came at the price of Sexual Rejection.
When it comes to sexual rejection girls are all emotion. We can not think rationally or logically. We can pretend we do, we can even occasionally convince the male gender we do. But while on the outside we are the calm rational "oh no I totally understand you're not rejecting me, you were just trying to protect my feelings" on the inside we are thinking "he thinks I'm ugly - I've gotten fat, I knew he was lying when he said he didn't notice that extra 5 pounds - He's found someone else he thinks is prettier/better in bed than me- I knew i sucked in bed, why am I so bad at sex?"- and many, many more.
Sexual Rejection is one of the biggest mental/emotional mind fucks out there for the female gender. While you should not be making sexual advances or comments while shes crying on your shoulder or just finished crying on your shoulder. If she makes the move it is perfectly alright for you to take her up on the offer. Trust me. The harm done by saying no to her sexual advances, is more harm than can possibly come from any regret she may feel the next morning.
SO STOP BEING NOBLE BECAUSE YOU'RE SCREWING US UP!!!