I almost asked you to marry me today...

So there I am cleaning the house, listening to music and the song "Quitter" by Carrie Underwood comes on. I find myself actually listening to the words instead of just humming along obliviously like usual and I realize that this song epitomizes me, my past relationships and our present relationship. I'm poised to run, almost all the time and you just patiently pull me down from that edge and keep me here where I belong, where I feel comfortable, where I'm loved and happy. In a moment of what can only be termed as temporary insanity, I hopped on youtube to find the song, in my head is typing out the comment I'm going to leave with it when I post it to your facebook wall; something along the lines of "I'm so glad I'm no longer a quitter, Lee David Toland will you marry me?".Sometime between hopping onto the computer and typing the song title into google, cooler heads prevailed. I realized how humiliating it would be to have to explain to the entire "public" that had witnessed the display that you had turned me down, or even worse patted me on the head with a condescending look and tone the way you did when I told you about my conversation with Kylene and how I had thought of proposing to you that day. "That's really cute but..." is not what a girl wants to hear when she lays her heart on the line. So for now I remain content to be forever your live-in girlfriend, but I'll be staying away from Carrie Underwood songs for a while...I won't lie and say that things like this don't cause all sorts of doubts to run through my head but I'm trying to work through it. I think we are both worth the work, and so is our love. I know you have to do way more work because I'm a hell of a lot more frustrating to you than you are to me, of course part of that is just because I don't allow myself to become as easily frustrated as you do. I do appreciate all the efforts you make just in putting up with me and I'm sure our daughter does as well. I love you but I won't be proposing to you any time soon.