In my opinion this is the number one reason that most relationships fail, be it "new relationships" that are under a year old or tried and true 15+ year relationships or even those that fall somewhere in between. At some point during the relationship one or both of the partners get lazy. They stop looking at their partner as someone important, special and integral in their life.They stop seeing their love and relationship as a wondrous gift to be treasured. They start taking it all for granted.
We, as a society, put so much emphasis into the courting process it is unbelievable, yet we refuse to put the same amount of effort into maintaining those same relationships, into making them stronger and better. Just think about all the effort that goes into courting; Expensive dinners, flattery, flowers, wine, compliments, elaborate gifts, etc all in an effort to woo and impress new potential partner after new potential partner. All that time, money and effort spent trying to impress someone you aren't even sure you'll be compatible with all in an effort to convince them that they are compatible with you and should give you a chance or at the very least, take you to bed.
Do me a favor and take a minute to think back and remember your last 2 previous relationships (for this exercise a relationship consists of 7 or more months). Now think back on the first 3-6 months of both those relationships, do a quick estimate on the amount of money and, time and effort that you put into those first few months, then compare that to the time effort and money spent in the last 2-3 months of those relationships. Notice a significant difference? A decrease in all of the above perhaps? If you do notice that, you are definitely not alone.
Now for those of you that are in current relationships of 6 or more months, take a minute and honestly think about the last time you randomly thought to yourself something along the lines of, "My partner is so wonderful/special I am so lucky to have him/her in my life"? When is the last time you showed your partner that you felt that way about them? Now compare how much time you spent in the beginning of your relationship; talking, walking, hand holding, cuddling, etc to how much time you spend together now. Do you notice a significant decrease? How about the quality of your time together, has that increased or decreased? Do you find yourself more often including others in your dates by going out in groups or to parties? Or maybe you spend more time at the movies, an activity that requires no connection or talking, than you used to. When was the last time you looked in your partners eyes and told them how much they mean to you, why they are so important to you, or some of the traits you love and admire about them? When is the last time you remember hearing any of those things from them? When was your last weekend away, out of the blue gift, special date planned?Do you often find yourself to be "present" during the time you spend with your partner or are you often busy with other things- such as video game playing, reading, watching a movie, talking to friends, texting, etc - and just count it as "together time' because you were both in the same room at the same time.?.When's the last time you asked (and honestly listened to the answer out of a true desire to know) how your partners day was? If you are having trouble answering these questions, it may be time for a change.
You cannot keep a relationship healthy if it is not being built upon. A relationship is a lot like water without the flow and currents of change, it grows stagnate. A relationship must grow and be constantly built upon and nourished if it is to flourish and remain healthy. You cannot coax and woo and win a significant other only to then immediately sit on your bum and never make another effort again while still expecting the relationship to survive. The work that goes into finding a partner and starting a relationship is like the warm-up before a really intense workout compared to the amount of work it takes to keep a relationship strong, healthy and happy.
Nurturing your heart, your partner, your relationship is extremely vital to the success of any and every relationship. The actions of nurturing your relationship, reminding your heart of who it fell for and why it fell in the first place does not just strengthen your relationship, but strengthens your love for your partner as well. A happy loving heart is a healthy heart. Your love will grow abundantly with every nurturing action you take, which only works to strengthen your own happiness and your relationship as well.
So now do me one last favor, stop reading this blog, turn off your computer, walk over to your significant other look them in hte eye and remind them, as well as yourself, why you fell for them in the first place. Once you've done that then take the rest of the evening to cuddle, talk and spend real quality time together, both of you fully present and see where that leads you.
Good luck in life & in love...
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
Money Wars...
Don't go getting defensive and patting your back pocket to make sure your wallet's in there. This post has nothing to do with guy's needing to earn a certain amount, pay for everything, spend atrocious amounts on holidays, anniversary's or engagement rings, etc etc. All that is as annoying to me as it is to you most likely and will be addressed later in a blog entitled "Money-grubbing sluts"...
This particular blog, however, is regarding the incapabilities of a large majority of the male gender to budget and save. I honestly cannot name the number of males I know or have had dealings with in the past who whine, whine, whine about bills not getting paid, needs not getting met and the lack of money they have only to do research and then find out that the important bills like phone, electric, car insurance could have been paid if he hadn't just spent $150+ on that new "must-have" collectors edition video game and insiders guide, or $150+ on that new ipod that holds a whole 50 more songs than his old one which is still in perfect working condition. Etc.
It's called PRIORITIZING people. And as much as the game and insiders guide may be more fun than paying your car insurance the car insurance is what keeps you from getting a ticketed fine, an impounded car fine, and a black mark on your driving record. While the new Ipod may be more fun to listen to and save you 15 minutes of time going through and deleting some old songs to make room for new, the PG&E bill is what provides heat in your house to keep your children from freezing to death or catching illnesses, it's also what allows you to cook food so none of your family starves. FUN is not the priority, being up to date with the "cool kids" on the latest fashion and game fun is NOT the priority, having the newest, coolest, or most expensive is NOT the priority.
Keeping yourself and your family fed, clothed, warm and safe is the priority, minimizing expenses by preventing things like $100+ tickets by keeping your car in good repair and fully insured and registered is the priority. Fun, new, cool, expensive, come later AFTER all the bills have been paid, animals have been cared for and food has been bought. THEN you can spend or save what's left on games, clothes, movies and fun.
Write a budget and STICK TO IT. Every time you think about fudging on it and splurging bill or food money on something you DON'T NEED, take a look at your children and then ask yourself if whatever you want is really worth STEALING from your kids. Because in essence, that's what you're doing every time you spend NEEDS money on WANTS: STEALING FROM YOUR KIDS.
This particular blog, however, is regarding the incapabilities of a large majority of the male gender to budget and save. I honestly cannot name the number of males I know or have had dealings with in the past who whine, whine, whine about bills not getting paid, needs not getting met and the lack of money they have only to do research and then find out that the important bills like phone, electric, car insurance could have been paid if he hadn't just spent $150+ on that new "must-have" collectors edition video game and insiders guide, or $150+ on that new ipod that holds a whole 50 more songs than his old one which is still in perfect working condition. Etc.
It's called PRIORITIZING people. And as much as the game and insiders guide may be more fun than paying your car insurance the car insurance is what keeps you from getting a ticketed fine, an impounded car fine, and a black mark on your driving record. While the new Ipod may be more fun to listen to and save you 15 minutes of time going through and deleting some old songs to make room for new, the PG&E bill is what provides heat in your house to keep your children from freezing to death or catching illnesses, it's also what allows you to cook food so none of your family starves. FUN is not the priority, being up to date with the "cool kids" on the latest fashion and game fun is NOT the priority, having the newest, coolest, or most expensive is NOT the priority.
Keeping yourself and your family fed, clothed, warm and safe is the priority, minimizing expenses by preventing things like $100+ tickets by keeping your car in good repair and fully insured and registered is the priority. Fun, new, cool, expensive, come later AFTER all the bills have been paid, animals have been cared for and food has been bought. THEN you can spend or save what's left on games, clothes, movies and fun.
Write a budget and STICK TO IT. Every time you think about fudging on it and splurging bill or food money on something you DON'T NEED, take a look at your children and then ask yourself if whatever you want is really worth STEALING from your kids. Because in essence, that's what you're doing every time you spend NEEDS money on WANTS: STEALING FROM YOUR KIDS.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
The Taboo Truth...
So in my vast (ha ha) experience with the male gender I have noticed that 99% of males are OBSESSED with anal sex whether they admit to it or not. Not all of you are the pushy "must have it" bug your girlfriend relentlessly until she gives in type of guys (thank God) but you all think about it, wonder about it and wish she would do it. Many of you read books and magazine articles and watch DVD's on how to convince her to give in and ALL of you are 100% positive that if she would just give in and finally agree to try it she would love it once you were done. I see you nodding your head like "yep, that's right girls would all love anal sex if only they'd try it". So now I get to have my fun for the day and burst your bubble, I'd say that I hate to do that but I'd be lying and I try not to lie unless we're talking about my feelings so....
First we'll go with the FACTS:
*Men have a prostate gland that is easily stimulated through the anus, this causes pleasure to the male from anal stimulation. WOMEN DO NOT HAVE THIS!
*A woman's sexual nerve endings are located on clitoris, nipples and vagina.
*The vagina was MADE to have sex and to expel babies - those are the sole purposes of the vagina, it is very stretchy to allow for all types of shapes and sizes of penis to enter comfortably.
*The anus was made to expel your body's waste products in the form of shit. That is the sole purpose of the anus.
Now we will go with opinions and experience.
Do some girls like anal sex? Yes, though IME many of the ones that say that they like it are not being 100% truthful and are saying so instead to keep up with the crowd or please their current partner. There are some women however who do have good experiences with anal sex and enjoy it very much. That does NOT mean that all women will enjoy anal sex regardless of how often or how well it is performed. I can not name the number of times I have heard or read the statement (always said and/or written by men) "If your girl doesn't like it (anal sex) then you're not doing it right" this phrase is absolute BullShit and the catalyst for this blog post. =)
First off please explain to me how as man you have any clue as to what anal sex feels like for women. I cant name the number of articles written by men I've come across that try to explain why women hate and/or love anal sex, just FYI 90% of every one of those articles I've read has always been WRONG. You are guessing and ASSuming that you know what you're talking about or some of you are thinking "it feels good to me so..." forgetting that you have a prostate which produces those good feelings and your female doesn't.
So why do some females like it? Here's a secret and yes, I can have my membership to our secret female club revoked for revealing all this: Every woman I have talked to or that I know personally who likes anal sex has had one of three reasons (or a combination of the three) for liking it. The reasons are as follows:
1) Anal sex is dirty/naughty/taboo and she gets off on that feeling of doing something dirty/naughty/taboo.
2) It's something new and different than regular sex and she likes breaking up the monotony with something different every once in a while (Please note that these girls generally have anal sex at most every few months to as little as only 1-2 times per year)
3)She likes the feeling of fullness that comes from anal sex.
So now that you've read the three reasons go re-read them. Notice anything? Not ONE reason listed "because it gets my sexual nerve endings humming, turns me on majorly, feels so good and gives me the best orgasm of my life."
Anal sex for the VAST majority of females does not feel good by itself. Can occasional butt play during sex sometimes increase an orgasm? Yes. Should that be taken as a cue that your girlfriend is anal erotic and that means anal sex will get her rocks off better than anything ever? NO. Let me explain why.
The sensation in your vagina changes when there is something in your anus and the larger the thing in your anus is the more the vagina sensation changes, for some women the changes will be good changes for others not so much. There is also the added bonus (for some women) of feeling naughty at having more than one orifice penetrated which can also add to the orgasmic pleasure. When you ONLY have something in your anus you do not have either of the above stimulants occurring which makes for more painful and less pleasurable anal play. Why is it more painful? In reality it's not, but it will feel more painful because she will be focusing on the pain as there is no other pleasure going on for her to focus on, when a woman can focus on pleasure it makes the pain she's feeling seem less than it is, without that the pain will be felt full-force. For some women clitoral play without vaginal stimulation is enough to get her mind off things and allow her to enjoy anal sex. For others that will not be the case.
Anal sex is painful. It is painful because your anus 1) does not have the same sexual nerve endings the vagina does to compensate for the pain and 2) your ass is not meant to stretch and shape itself around a penis the way your vagina was built to do. The larger the cock - the more painful it is going to be, the less lube you use - the more painful its going to be, the less stimulation of body parts that are actually created for sexual pleasure - the more painful it's going to be. Got the picture?
So the moral of this blog post is basically this: If you have a girl that loves anal sex feel very very lucky and treat her like a queen because you've got it better than you realized. If you're girlfriend doesn't like it but is willing to do it for you on occasion then stop whining about the times you don't get it and be thankful for the sacrifice when you do get it. If you aren't getting it at all then either come to grips with reality and give up your anal sex dreams or go find a girl that doesn't mind it because pressuring the one your with to do something painful is just wrong. Ca. And the biggest moral of all: Stop believing that if you just do it "right" one of these days your girlfriend will turn from an anal-sex hater into a cock hungry anal sex loving whore - it's not gonna happen.
First we'll go with the FACTS:
*Men have a prostate gland that is easily stimulated through the anus, this causes pleasure to the male from anal stimulation. WOMEN DO NOT HAVE THIS!
*A woman's sexual nerve endings are located on clitoris, nipples and vagina.
*The vagina was MADE to have sex and to expel babies - those are the sole purposes of the vagina, it is very stretchy to allow for all types of shapes and sizes of penis to enter comfortably.
*The anus was made to expel your body's waste products in the form of shit. That is the sole purpose of the anus.
Now we will go with opinions and experience.
Do some girls like anal sex? Yes, though IME many of the ones that say that they like it are not being 100% truthful and are saying so instead to keep up with the crowd or please their current partner. There are some women however who do have good experiences with anal sex and enjoy it very much. That does NOT mean that all women will enjoy anal sex regardless of how often or how well it is performed. I can not name the number of times I have heard or read the statement (always said and/or written by men) "If your girl doesn't like it (anal sex) then you're not doing it right" this phrase is absolute BullShit and the catalyst for this blog post. =)
First off please explain to me how as man you have any clue as to what anal sex feels like for women. I cant name the number of articles written by men I've come across that try to explain why women hate and/or love anal sex, just FYI 90% of every one of those articles I've read has always been WRONG. You are guessing and ASSuming that you know what you're talking about or some of you are thinking "it feels good to me so..." forgetting that you have a prostate which produces those good feelings and your female doesn't.
So why do some females like it? Here's a secret and yes, I can have my membership to our secret female club revoked for revealing all this: Every woman I have talked to or that I know personally who likes anal sex has had one of three reasons (or a combination of the three) for liking it. The reasons are as follows:
1) Anal sex is dirty/naughty/taboo and she gets off on that feeling of doing something dirty/naughty/taboo.
2) It's something new and different than regular sex and she likes breaking up the monotony with something different every once in a while (Please note that these girls generally have anal sex at most every few months to as little as only 1-2 times per year)
3)She likes the feeling of fullness that comes from anal sex.
So now that you've read the three reasons go re-read them. Notice anything? Not ONE reason listed "because it gets my sexual nerve endings humming, turns me on majorly, feels so good and gives me the best orgasm of my life."
Anal sex for the VAST majority of females does not feel good by itself. Can occasional butt play during sex sometimes increase an orgasm? Yes. Should that be taken as a cue that your girlfriend is anal erotic and that means anal sex will get her rocks off better than anything ever? NO. Let me explain why.
The sensation in your vagina changes when there is something in your anus and the larger the thing in your anus is the more the vagina sensation changes, for some women the changes will be good changes for others not so much. There is also the added bonus (for some women) of feeling naughty at having more than one orifice penetrated which can also add to the orgasmic pleasure. When you ONLY have something in your anus you do not have either of the above stimulants occurring which makes for more painful and less pleasurable anal play. Why is it more painful? In reality it's not, but it will feel more painful because she will be focusing on the pain as there is no other pleasure going on for her to focus on, when a woman can focus on pleasure it makes the pain she's feeling seem less than it is, without that the pain will be felt full-force. For some women clitoral play without vaginal stimulation is enough to get her mind off things and allow her to enjoy anal sex. For others that will not be the case.
Anal sex is painful. It is painful because your anus 1) does not have the same sexual nerve endings the vagina does to compensate for the pain and 2) your ass is not meant to stretch and shape itself around a penis the way your vagina was built to do. The larger the cock - the more painful it is going to be, the less lube you use - the more painful its going to be, the less stimulation of body parts that are actually created for sexual pleasure - the more painful it's going to be. Got the picture?
So the moral of this blog post is basically this: If you have a girl that loves anal sex feel very very lucky and treat her like a queen because you've got it better than you realized. If you're girlfriend doesn't like it but is willing to do it for you on occasion then stop whining about the times you don't get it and be thankful for the sacrifice when you do get it. If you aren't getting it at all then either come to grips with reality and give up your anal sex dreams or go find a girl that doesn't mind it because pressuring the one your with to do something painful is just wrong. Ca. And the biggest moral of all: Stop believing that if you just do it "right" one of these days your girlfriend will turn from an anal-sex hater into a cock hungry anal sex loving whore - it's not gonna happen.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
The Biggest Rejection
In one of my very early posts on this blog I mentioned how sexual rejection was the worst way you could reject a female. I was wrong. While sexual rejection is definitely at the top of the list there is another form of rejection that is far more hurtful and does far more emotional damage.
Having a girl totally lay bare her heart and soul, letting go of her past hang ups to take a very scary step forward and then patting her on the head while you say in a patronizing tone "that was so cute but...." That is the worst form of rejection a girl can experience.
Talk about teaching someone they were an idiot to take their emotional walls down in the first place. What a fascinatingly horrible lesson to learn. After hearing that her inhibitions are silly and she should work on them and not judge marriage based on one experience - to have laid her soul bare which is beyond difficult in times like this, only to have it patted and smirked at like an amusing child. Well, just wow is all that can really be said.
The best way to cause her to return to her original way of thinking and to ensure that she never moves past the line she's drawn in the sand is to patronize her after she's moved it because all you're doing is showing her that her original decision was the right one and you aren't the guy she thought you were after all...
Having a girl totally lay bare her heart and soul, letting go of her past hang ups to take a very scary step forward and then patting her on the head while you say in a patronizing tone "that was so cute but...." That is the worst form of rejection a girl can experience.
Talk about teaching someone they were an idiot to take their emotional walls down in the first place. What a fascinatingly horrible lesson to learn. After hearing that her inhibitions are silly and she should work on them and not judge marriage based on one experience - to have laid her soul bare which is beyond difficult in times like this, only to have it patted and smirked at like an amusing child. Well, just wow is all that can really be said.
The best way to cause her to return to her original way of thinking and to ensure that she never moves past the line she's drawn in the sand is to patronize her after she's moved it because all you're doing is showing her that her original decision was the right one and you aren't the guy she thought you were after all...
Sunday, June 5, 2011
People CAN Learn from their mistakes
So do yourself and the girl(s) you're dating a favor and remember that you're not perfect please. Then after you remember that do me another favor and think back to a time when you weren't perfect, a time you made a HUGE ass mistake and then remember what you learned from it. Every time someone you know tries to give someone else advice about a situation in which they themselves royally screwed up instead of being an ass to them about it, do me that favor I asked for above and then see if you still feel so pretentious and high and mighty afterwards.
NO ONE is perfect, this includes you buddy. Understanding and not being a judgmental pretentious ass is a very big part of all relationships be they family, friend or romantic. And that statement goes for all ages, nationalities and genders.
Just be a responsible and reasonable person, that's all. Unless you are 100% perfect and blameless and have never screwed up in your life you really have no business telling others how they fucked up or what they can and cant give advice on. Go through your past, remember those mistakes, revisit what you learned from them and then put on your big boy boxers or your big girl panties and do the next harder thing. Revisit the mistakes that you still refuse to accept any responsibility for, you know- the ones that you placed the blame for on someone else or which you blame on circumstances and which you most likely have at least a little bit of responsibility for. Objectively look over those and see if there may be some responsibility there that belongs to you and if there is then accept that responsibility and learn from whatever actions led you there. You can only become a better person for doing this.
But if you're going to continue to be one of those self-righteous pretentious assholes who holds on to and points out every fuck up someone else has ever done especially if that fuck up came because the person didn't listen to your advice but you're going to continue to refuse to accept responsibility for any your own fuck ups and cast the blame on circumstances that in actuality don't really matter or on people who really don't hold as much responsibility as you'd like to place on them then do everyone a favor and sit the F*ck down and shut the F*ck up. Thanks.
NO ONE is perfect, this includes you buddy. Understanding and not being a judgmental pretentious ass is a very big part of all relationships be they family, friend or romantic. And that statement goes for all ages, nationalities and genders.
Just be a responsible and reasonable person, that's all. Unless you are 100% perfect and blameless and have never screwed up in your life you really have no business telling others how they fucked up or what they can and cant give advice on. Go through your past, remember those mistakes, revisit what you learned from them and then put on your big boy boxers or your big girl panties and do the next harder thing. Revisit the mistakes that you still refuse to accept any responsibility for, you know- the ones that you placed the blame for on someone else or which you blame on circumstances and which you most likely have at least a little bit of responsibility for. Objectively look over those and see if there may be some responsibility there that belongs to you and if there is then accept that responsibility and learn from whatever actions led you there. You can only become a better person for doing this.
But if you're going to continue to be one of those self-righteous pretentious assholes who holds on to and points out every fuck up someone else has ever done especially if that fuck up came because the person didn't listen to your advice but you're going to continue to refuse to accept responsibility for any your own fuck ups and cast the blame on circumstances that in actuality don't really matter or on people who really don't hold as much responsibility as you'd like to place on them then do everyone a favor and sit the F*ck down and shut the F*ck up. Thanks.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
"I'm not being critical but..."
This goes for everyone of every gender, the words in this title are CRAP! Every single person in the world (especially if they happen to be female) knows that ANY SENTENCE precluded by any form of "I don't mean to be critical" is GOING TO BE critical without a doubt. You would not feel the need to try and put a "don't take this critically" disclaimer on a statement if the statement were truly a noncritical one. That's just common sense right there. Any time you feel the need to put a disclaimer on a sentence it is in hopes that the disclaimer will keep the person from being upset by the load of critical/rude/offensive crap that's about to spew from your mouth.
So do yourself and the people you are talking to a favor, the next time you hear a disclaimer coming out of your mouth IE; "No offense but...", "I'm not being critical but...", "I don't mean to be rude..." etc... Just SHUT YOUR MOUTH. There is no need to point out how the person offended you, didn't agree with the more correct opinion (which would be yours of course), screwed up yet again or should maybe cut down on the doughnuts cuz she's getting a little round, etc...
And if you really do feel that this time you just HAVE to say it - it's just too important not to be pointed out this one time then try doing this; take a minute to listen in your head to what you are about to say and then, instead of being critical say it in an entirely new way - one that actually does come off as not being critical, rude or offensive. For example, instead of saying: "I don't mean to be critical but do these socks look like they go together?" Try being a little more understanding, putting yourself in the other person's shoes and figuring out why the mistake may have happened. Then say something like this: *playful tone* "The baby must have had you really distracted the last time you folded socks huh?" *holding up mismatched socks and smiling*
The tone and body language in the example above, combined with the fact that you took the time to figure out what may have caused the mishap make the person whose actions are being singled out feel less like they are being criticized or attacked for an honest mistake. Which makes them more likely to respond with an apology and try to remember to pay more attention in the future as opposed to them responding with defensive comments and only remembering that you were a critical ass. In this case you were able to still point out that the person screwed up which fulfills your inner need to make sure they don't do so again in the future but in a way that also didn't make them feel like you go around looking for ways they screw up just so you can rub the mishaps in their face. It's a win-win for everyone. ;)
So do yourself and the people you are talking to a favor, the next time you hear a disclaimer coming out of your mouth IE; "No offense but...", "I'm not being critical but...", "I don't mean to be rude..." etc... Just SHUT YOUR MOUTH. There is no need to point out how the person offended you, didn't agree with the more correct opinion (which would be yours of course), screwed up yet again or should maybe cut down on the doughnuts cuz she's getting a little round, etc...
And if you really do feel that this time you just HAVE to say it - it's just too important not to be pointed out this one time then try doing this; take a minute to listen in your head to what you are about to say and then, instead of being critical say it in an entirely new way - one that actually does come off as not being critical, rude or offensive. For example, instead of saying: "I don't mean to be critical but do these socks look like they go together?" Try being a little more understanding, putting yourself in the other person's shoes and figuring out why the mistake may have happened. Then say something like this: *playful tone* "The baby must have had you really distracted the last time you folded socks huh?" *holding up mismatched socks and smiling*
The tone and body language in the example above, combined with the fact that you took the time to figure out what may have caused the mishap make the person whose actions are being singled out feel less like they are being criticized or attacked for an honest mistake. Which makes them more likely to respond with an apology and try to remember to pay more attention in the future as opposed to them responding with defensive comments and only remembering that you were a critical ass. In this case you were able to still point out that the person screwed up which fulfills your inner need to make sure they don't do so again in the future but in a way that also didn't make them feel like you go around looking for ways they screw up just so you can rub the mishaps in their face. It's a win-win for everyone. ;)
Saturday, December 18, 2010
The Different Levels of Love...
We all know subconsciously that while we love many people in our lives we don't love them all the same way. Sometimes its a simple difference in the amount and type of affection and trust that love is tempered with and other times it is the core relationship of who these people are to us such as a friend, co-worker, child, mistress, wife, etc... For whatever reason though, the types and levels of love we feel for these individual people vary.
This does not have to be a bad thing, not in our normal everyday life any way. In a relationship though, it can lead to disaster. For example, if I am so in love and bonded to the male in my life that I honestly feel that he is what passes for my "sou-mate" while his love for me is more the type and depth of that which you would feel for a good friend, there will most likely be issues. Big ones.
Females aren't stupid. I know that's hard to believe because we play the role so well but honestly, we are pretty damn smart most of the time. We are also huge lovers of living in houseboats on the river DENIAL. The woman who's husband of 40 years, that's been cheating on her for 32 of them, you know the one who you talk about behind her back saying "how could she NOT know, it's so obvious, man she must be dumber than a box of rocks". That woman knows, not only has she known all 32 years that he's been cheating and most likely who with as well, but she probably also knew before he started cheating that he was thinking about it. She just chooses, for whatever reasons of her own, to ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist. That doesn't mean she's ok with it or that it doesn't hurt her, it just means that for whatever reason she has chosen to move into her houseboat on the river denial regarding this particular issue. Now maybe in your opinion that makes her just as, more, or less stupid than if she didn't know he was cheating and maybe she is still stupid, just in a different way. It's not really on me to judge her choices though, she has her consequences and she'll live with them.
What does a housewife with a cheating husband have to do with a female loving her soul-mate like a soul-mate and him loving her like a friend? Nothing really except that it demonstrates a woman's capacity for denial despite the damage living in denial can cause. She knows they don't feel the same way. She can see and interpret the signs quite clearly and it hurts knowing that while he's pretty much it for her, he's still waiting for her to come along, his "soul-mate", the girl he sees and says "that's her, thats who I can see spending the rest of my life with". Because she, of course, want to be that girl. She want to be the one he imagines getting gray hairs with and going to little league games with. She want to inspire the devotion, longing, passion and loyalty that goes hand in hand with the type of love we give to our "soul-mate". But She's not her, and she can't be, and she knows this.
Why doesn't she leave then? Take this misery and walk out the door with it where she can bury it in the sand and try to forget it, or he, ever existed. Simple. 1 She doesn't want to, he's it for her so she may as well ride this train as far as it will take her and enjoy it while she can. 2 She's in her houseboat on the river denial telling herself that A) She's not a mind reader so she doesn't really know what may be inside his heart (LIES! she knows)and B) even if he does feel the way she thinks he feels, love isn't a flash in the pan thing, it takes time to build a strong and true and lasting love and one day (in fairy tale land) he's going to realize that she is her and they're going to live happily ever after in their castle in the clouds.
Does telling herself those two things over ad over after every time his actions or words have made clear that she is not her, make the pain go away, boost her self-esteem or keep her from worrying about how long it's going to be before she does come along and he leaves her in the dust alone? Nope. Not at all, in fact it may even make it worse. However, women are perverse creatures and this is what we do to ourselves.
So the lesson here is; Be up front about your feelings and your expectations for the relationship from the get-go, yes that means if you're just looking for a one-night stand you don't pretend you'll be calling her the next day. ALso, pay attention to her feelings and if you figure out or even think that she may be heading for head-over-heels while you're in "hang out, kick it and have random awesome sex" mode then be the bigger, stronger person and let her go, walk away because she's not going to have the strength to do it while shes floating down denial but her self-esteem could really use the break of reality. You'd be doing her a favor. Honestly.
This does not have to be a bad thing, not in our normal everyday life any way. In a relationship though, it can lead to disaster. For example, if I am so in love and bonded to the male in my life that I honestly feel that he is what passes for my "sou-mate" while his love for me is more the type and depth of that which you would feel for a good friend, there will most likely be issues. Big ones.
Females aren't stupid. I know that's hard to believe because we play the role so well but honestly, we are pretty damn smart most of the time. We are also huge lovers of living in houseboats on the river DENIAL. The woman who's husband of 40 years, that's been cheating on her for 32 of them, you know the one who you talk about behind her back saying "how could she NOT know, it's so obvious, man she must be dumber than a box of rocks". That woman knows, not only has she known all 32 years that he's been cheating and most likely who with as well, but she probably also knew before he started cheating that he was thinking about it. She just chooses, for whatever reasons of her own, to ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist. That doesn't mean she's ok with it or that it doesn't hurt her, it just means that for whatever reason she has chosen to move into her houseboat on the river denial regarding this particular issue. Now maybe in your opinion that makes her just as, more, or less stupid than if she didn't know he was cheating and maybe she is still stupid, just in a different way. It's not really on me to judge her choices though, she has her consequences and she'll live with them.
What does a housewife with a cheating husband have to do with a female loving her soul-mate like a soul-mate and him loving her like a friend? Nothing really except that it demonstrates a woman's capacity for denial despite the damage living in denial can cause. She knows they don't feel the same way. She can see and interpret the signs quite clearly and it hurts knowing that while he's pretty much it for her, he's still waiting for her to come along, his "soul-mate", the girl he sees and says "that's her, thats who I can see spending the rest of my life with". Because she, of course, want to be that girl. She want to be the one he imagines getting gray hairs with and going to little league games with. She want to inspire the devotion, longing, passion and loyalty that goes hand in hand with the type of love we give to our "soul-mate". But She's not her, and she can't be, and she knows this.
Why doesn't she leave then? Take this misery and walk out the door with it where she can bury it in the sand and try to forget it, or he, ever existed. Simple. 1 She doesn't want to, he's it for her so she may as well ride this train as far as it will take her and enjoy it while she can. 2 She's in her houseboat on the river denial telling herself that A) She's not a mind reader so she doesn't really know what may be inside his heart (LIES! she knows)and B) even if he does feel the way she thinks he feels, love isn't a flash in the pan thing, it takes time to build a strong and true and lasting love and one day (in fairy tale land) he's going to realize that she is her and they're going to live happily ever after in their castle in the clouds.
Does telling herself those two things over ad over after every time his actions or words have made clear that she is not her, make the pain go away, boost her self-esteem or keep her from worrying about how long it's going to be before she does come along and he leaves her in the dust alone? Nope. Not at all, in fact it may even make it worse. However, women are perverse creatures and this is what we do to ourselves.
So the lesson here is; Be up front about your feelings and your expectations for the relationship from the get-go, yes that means if you're just looking for a one-night stand you don't pretend you'll be calling her the next day. ALso, pay attention to her feelings and if you figure out or even think that she may be heading for head-over-heels while you're in "hang out, kick it and have random awesome sex" mode then be the bigger, stronger person and let her go, walk away because she's not going to have the strength to do it while shes floating down denial but her self-esteem could really use the break of reality. You'd be doing her a favor. Honestly.
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