We all know subconsciously that while we love many people in our lives we don't love them all the same way. Sometimes its a simple difference in the amount and type of affection and trust that love is tempered with and other times it is the core relationship of who these people are to us such as a friend, co-worker, child, mistress, wife, etc... For whatever reason though, the types and levels of love we feel for these individual people vary.
This does not have to be a bad thing, not in our normal everyday life any way. In a relationship though, it can lead to disaster. For example, if I am so in love and bonded to the male in my life that I honestly feel that he is what passes for my "sou-mate" while his love for me is more the type and depth of that which you would feel for a good friend, there will most likely be issues. Big ones.
Females aren't stupid. I know that's hard to believe because we play the role so well but honestly, we are pretty damn smart most of the time. We are also huge lovers of living in houseboats on the river DENIAL. The woman who's husband of 40 years, that's been cheating on her for 32 of them, you know the one who you talk about behind her back saying "how could she NOT know, it's so obvious, man she must be dumber than a box of rocks". That woman knows, not only has she known all 32 years that he's been cheating and most likely who with as well, but she probably also knew before he started cheating that he was thinking about it. She just chooses, for whatever reasons of her own, to ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist. That doesn't mean she's ok with it or that it doesn't hurt her, it just means that for whatever reason she has chosen to move into her houseboat on the river denial regarding this particular issue. Now maybe in your opinion that makes her just as, more, or less stupid than if she didn't know he was cheating and maybe she is still stupid, just in a different way. It's not really on me to judge her choices though, she has her consequences and she'll live with them.
What does a housewife with a cheating husband have to do with a female loving her soul-mate like a soul-mate and him loving her like a friend? Nothing really except that it demonstrates a woman's capacity for denial despite the damage living in denial can cause. She knows they don't feel the same way. She can see and interpret the signs quite clearly and it hurts knowing that while he's pretty much it for her, he's still waiting for her to come along, his "soul-mate", the girl he sees and says "that's her, thats who I can see spending the rest of my life with". Because she, of course, want to be that girl. She want to be the one he imagines getting gray hairs with and going to little league games with. She want to inspire the devotion, longing, passion and loyalty that goes hand in hand with the type of love we give to our "soul-mate". But She's not her, and she can't be, and she knows this.
Why doesn't she leave then? Take this misery and walk out the door with it where she can bury it in the sand and try to forget it, or he, ever existed. Simple. 1 She doesn't want to, he's it for her so she may as well ride this train as far as it will take her and enjoy it while she can. 2 She's in her houseboat on the river denial telling herself that A) She's not a mind reader so she doesn't really know what may be inside his heart (LIES! she knows)and B) even if he does feel the way she thinks he feels, love isn't a flash in the pan thing, it takes time to build a strong and true and lasting love and one day (in fairy tale land) he's going to realize that she is her and they're going to live happily ever after in their castle in the clouds.
Does telling herself those two things over ad over after every time his actions or words have made clear that she is not her, make the pain go away, boost her self-esteem or keep her from worrying about how long it's going to be before she does come along and he leaves her in the dust alone? Nope. Not at all, in fact it may even make it worse. However, women are perverse creatures and this is what we do to ourselves.
So the lesson here is; Be up front about your feelings and your expectations for the relationship from the get-go, yes that means if you're just looking for a one-night stand you don't pretend you'll be calling her the next day. ALso, pay attention to her feelings and if you figure out or even think that she may be heading for head-over-heels while you're in "hang out, kick it and have random awesome sex" mode then be the bigger, stronger person and let her go, walk away because she's not going to have the strength to do it while shes floating down denial but her self-esteem could really use the break of reality. You'd be doing her a favor. Honestly.
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