The Anti-Socialist

No, I'm not talking about the political party.

I think one of the biggest difference in the genders is their levels of socialness. Girls are a pretty darn social bunch with good friends, best friends, neighbors, acquaintances and even enemies (frenemies) taking part in their social circle. Guys usually keep things a little more down-low, they keep their hanging out time to those they actually enjoy hanging out with and go out with friends much less often than most females do, content to sit back with friends at home with a beer and a ball game. This does not have to be a problem, but it can be.

Sometimes it's a problem because you are dating a "chick" (see future blog for definition)- this is not ok and a valid reason to break up with said chick. Sometimes it's a problem because you are anti-social and unwilling to step out of your comfort zone or away from your games, movies, etc - this is not ok and a valid reason for girlfriend to break up with you.

Balancing the social levels of two separate people as a couple can be difficult, if it's the right relationship however, it's worth it. Here's some tips:

1) It is NOT ok for either party to expect the other to go out with their friends, partying, etc 40%+ nights of each week (unless the other person is a social guy/girl who does these things on a regular basis anyway). Both parties need to accept that the other needs to have their own free time and time just to spend with their friends as well. Going out dancing/partying with your significant other 3-4 times a month though, would not be considered unreasonable.

2) It is NOT ok for either party to constantly "beg out" of social time with their significant others friends or family, nor is it ok to show up and then leave early on a flimsy and lame excuse on a regular basis either. If you're going to date each other then you need to accept each others social boundaries. Recognize that the social person will want you to share in her/his fun and activities. You also both need to be "present" and try to have fun while participating in said social activities with your significant other.

3)It is NOT ok for one person to always do all the choosing of said social activities. You should be choosing outings together as a couple or at least taking turns choosing where to go, what to do, who to hang out with. Nothing in a relationship should be purely one-sided, including social activities.

4) It is NOT ok for either person to ignore the other person's friends/family when social activities happen within one of your homes (or your shared home). No holing up in another room or zoning out in front of the TV or Computer that is RUDE. I don't care that your favorite show is on (that's what Tivo is for) or that there is this quest in your game that you just HAVE to complete right this minute because it's limited time only (too freaking bad, you'll get over it, I promise no one has ever died from missing an achievement on their game.)

Just like with everything else in a relationship this is about togetherness, compromise, sharing and your love and commitment for each other. If you refuse to step outside your boundaries for her/him or can't put aside your interests or habits for a few hours a few times a month to spend with her/his friends/family then it's time to ask yourself why. If this is truly a person whom you love, who you want happy etc then you should be willing to get to know her/him in her/his social sphere, meet and spend time with her/his family and put aside your interest on occasion to share in her/his. On the same token if she/he isn't willing to do the above for you then stop wasting your time and move on- you deserve better.

Best wishes in life and in love...