Even a few months ago you never would have gotten this blog from me. I didn't "get" it then, I felt marriage was over-hyped and have for most of my life. This is probably due to my own parents craptastic marriage and hideous divorce coupled with their occasional fights and threats of divorce from their second marriages on top of my own hideous marriage and divorce. I have been in a good relationship of over 5 years with a guy I fell in love with and then ran from back in high-school. Why did I run? Because love scared the crap out of me. It still does in a way. Our relationship works for us for the most part, we have our moments- everyone does - but we work together fairly well. I've been negative on marriage due to my past and hes been negative on marriage because he feels its a raw deal for guys when/if the marriage goes sour.
That was fine with me in the beginning. It wasnt until recently that his attitude toward marriage started to bug me and my attitude toward marriage started to change.
I realized that I still want what I've always wanted; to share my life openly with the man I love above all others, to share that love with the world, to have my children raised in a loving, solid, stable, legally binding relationship. To not feel like I'm failing them, to not have themselves feel that they're inferior because they're "illegitimate". To be able to one day be sealed and binded together eternally as a family which can't happen without marriage. I want that most of all - an ETERNAL FAMILY.
And I want respect. I want the respect of the man I love to stop treating me like random selfish bitches he's read about on the internet or heard about from friends. He's SEEN me in action, he KNOWS from first-hand experience (and I would hope his heart would know as well) that I am not a "rake someone over the coals" person. He KNOWS that the ONLY thing that matters to me is the BEST INTEREST OF MY CHILDREN. Period. And that I will lay down and be a doormat if I think that would ensure their best interests. Not only has he witnessed it first-hand he's personally belittled me for it. So he should know better than to lump me in with those people. Their should be nothing holding him back- except his own feelings -or lack thereof- for me.
So his attitude, the one that says "I would rather be boiled in oil than ever even consider marrying you" hurts. A lot.
